Senior Spring

Sunday, August 5, 2018



Senior spring was a time that I will never be able to properly put into words.

It was a season of early mornings and late nights. Of more rehearsals that I would have thought possible, of running and dancing and singing with everything we had. It was a time of roles I'd dreamt of, of the opportunity to work underneath pure genius.

It was a season of friendship. Of practically living with my best friend and somehow never getting sick of each other. Of putting our all into maintaining relationships, no matter the exhaustion and lack of time. Of 'how are you' texts and 'tell me about your day' phone calls. People who were always there for an encouraging word. Of learning who cared enough to keep things strong, even when life was crazy.

Senior spring was way too much shopping. It was wondering why on earth it's so difficult to find a white dress. (Hint: Altar'd State is your best friend.) It was prom dress option after prom dress option before finally deciding on the dress I fell in love with from day one, of hours spent looking through dance costumes and swearing that I would never online shop again as long as I live.

It was prom. Of not even knowing if I really wanted to go, but having the best time. Prom was swing dancing with old friends and endless photobooth strips and dance circles and going out to eat until two in the morning. It was singing along to all of the songs at the top of our lungs like we didn't have rehearsal in the morning. It was swirling skirts and flying curls and people I love and laughter.

Senior spring was the most bittersweet. It was knowing that things would never be completely the same after May 12th came around, and fighting to enjoy every moment of it because of that. To soak in the minutes, the details, the things I never want to forget. Hugs and conversations scribbled in the pages of my mind forever.

It was hard. It was exhaustion almost all the time and feeling like nothing would ever be good enough, like would never be good enough. That I'd bitten off more than I could chew but had to make it all perfect anyways, no matter what it took. Thinking that I had to be everything for everyone, and being determined to do it. Determination, a wonderful character trait that walks such a fragile line.

It was a season of learning. Of learning that I can do more than I would have thought, but learning that I can't do it all, and learning that that's okay. Of trying to remember that I can't be a superhero, and that no one expects that. Of learning to breathe through it and keep at it.

It was endless spontaneity despite the craziest of schedules. Pockets of time for adventures, ice cream for lunch and thirty minute road trips to nowhere. Fitting in as much as possible with the 24 hours given.

Senior spring was dreaming way too big, and fighting to make it happen anyways. Creativity thrust into overdrive. Pushing and working and going going going to make it a reality. Hours upon hours upon hours alone in the studio, the music permanently ingrained in my memory. Scribbling down notations at the most frantic of speeds, desperate to remember every fleeting idea. It was endless gratitude for the love and patience and gigantic hearts of the ones who were a part of it, of the senior project that I still can't believe actually happened.

It was a season of provision, in every possible aspect. Of opportunity beyond my wildest dreams. Of Jesus knowing the depths of my heart and whispering yes. Seeing the Lord's hand in everything, opening up doors for the future while keeping me rooted in the moment and helping me get through where I was right then. Holding me up and keeping me grounded while giving me glimpses of the joy and blessings in store.

It was tears. Tears of exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy and fear, but tears of relief and pure gratitude for the kind souls who helped make the load a little lighter. family. the second momma crew. friends who are family in every sense but blood. {cyrus freaking fontaine who saved my senior project + sanity simultaneously and whose praises I will never stop singing. go buy every song he's ever written.}

It was a season that culminated in one big, wonderful night that I'll never forget. Surrounded by nearly everyone I loved, in my favorite place in the world, dancing on that stage one final time. We took it all to the next level as theatre kids tend to do, and walked down the aisle to Don't Stop Believing. That song and the many others of that night (theatre kids, remember?) will forever have the biggest space in my heart.

Senior spring was overwhelming. Overwhelming stress, overwhelming kindness, overwhelming exhaustion, overwhelming gratitude, overwhelming joy. Overwhelming is the only way to describe it. And maybe that's why it's a season that I'll never be able to adequately put into words for anyone, no matter how desperately I want to throw it all onto the page. Sometimes, God's goodness is so grand that it can't be described, and I'm just grateful to have lived it.

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I know that this was so long ago, and doing a senior recap in August is the strangest thing. But the season was so crazy, and in the months since, I haven't been able to write anything that I felt did it justice. So now, almost three months later, I'm processing and taking the time to record it. This blog has followed me since the beginning of freshman year, so it feels wrong not to wrap high school up. Hopefully you all don't mind too much. ♥ Thus, I'm going to have a little baby series running on the blog this month called Senior Saturdays. If you're heading into senior year as I know quite a few people are, hopefully you'll particularly enjoy these, and if you've already graduated, maybe they'll give you a bit of a trip down memory lane. Either way, thanks for popping by this little space of mine. Love you lots. xx

it feels just a bit like hope

Friday, July 27, 2018



some days you wake up
and the world looks like a sea of gray.

your mind a tangle as you stumble from one task to the next
trying to fight through the fog but
slipping
slipping
slipping.

the trees are as bare
as the wasteland that you're fighting through
and it feels like you're never going to see the river.

some days, you're just tired
so tired.
tired of the gray,
tired of the wasteland.
tired of the battle that's never going to be won.

but some days
there's a light.

a little part in the clouds
where a touch of brightness can shine through.

and some days, you're driving home.
and the light is golden
and the trees blossom a bright pink.

and it feels
just a bit
like hope.

--g.a.j.


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Today is a VERY exciting day, my friends, because today, the beautiful Elissa from Letters to Jayna is beginning a new adventure! She is moving to a new blog- Dancing in the Rain. 

Dancing in the Rain is a place of encouragement, a place to spark hope and a place to grow in community. It is the loveliest blog, and I could not be more excited for Elissa as she begins this new chapter! She is such a sweet, genuine human, and I cannot express how much I adore her. 

Go give this wonderful corner of the internet a follow for me, friends! You aren't going to want to miss Elissa's beautiful upcoming content. 



|| WORLDS BENEATH || It's Blog Tour Time! Book Review + Interview with Author K.A. Emmons!


Hey, friends! I am SO PUMPED for today's post! Today, we are celebrating the LAUNCH of Worlds Beneath by the fantastic K.A. Emmons! I had the honor of being a part of her launch team last year for The Blood Race, and I am so excited to be back celebrating the launch of her second novel!

There is nothing cooler than watching your friends chase their dreams, and I just have to say how incredibly proud I am of Kate and all that she is doing. Publishing a book is such a long, difficult process, and she's done it not once, but TWICE! She is absolutely killing it, and I couldn't be prouder of her. SHE IS THE QUEEN! ♥

Now...on to the flailing!

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If you haven't watched this trailer yet... it is an utter masterpiece. Abbie is incredible.

In case you've somehow missed out on all of the excitement and hype over this amazing series, let me tell you a bit about it. The Blood Race series is a YA sci-fi/thriller trilogy by indie author K.A. Emmons. It's jam-packed with an action-filled plot, complex characters, and so much more. It keeps you on the edge of your seat, unable to step away.

So, about Worlds Beneath. 

Oh my goodness, you guys. This book.

You all know what a massive fan I was of Kate's first book, The Blood Race. I distinctly remember messaging her the moment that I finished it, already dying to find out what happened next. (This girl does not mess around when it comes to cliffhangers.) I anxiously awaited Book 2 all year, and it most certainly did not disappoint. 

There's such a tendency to have the fear that "there's no way the sequel can be as good as the original", but this did not ring true in the least for Worlds Beneath. It was a stunning continuation of the story, one that left me on the edge of my seat the entire time that I was reading. I read it in two sittings, only stopping when I realized that it was nearing one a.m., I had work the next day, and was only halfway through. The temptation to stay up all night and finish was so freaking real. 

As always, Kate's characters were so utterly real, genuine, and beautiful. There are more perspectives in this book than in The Blood Race, and while sometimes I'm not a fan of books with more than one or two POV(s), I could not have loved this more. Each different voice was so unique and defined, and I couldn't help falling in love with all of them. (Especially Fin. Always Fin.) I particularly enjoyed getting to see Hawk's character develop, and learning more about her backstory. She is such an intricate character, and watching her arc might just be my favorite. Although one can't help but just want to grab Fin right out of the book and tuck him away somewhere safe for the rest of eternity. Kate is not kind to that poor boy. #protectFin2k18

I love how the plot is woven together, and the specificity with which information is released and the plot is thickened. The Blood Race series is wonderful because both the characters AND the plot are so, so strong. It's not just a character-driven novel, or just a plot-driven novel. It's the perfect blend. 

The ending, in typical Kate style, KILLED ME, and I am already counting down the days until Book 3 comes into the world. The cliffhangers in this series are no joke, guys. My heart really cannot handle this.

Saying that Kate is a modern day C.S. Lewis is not an exaggeration. I love the allegorical nature of her writing, and the poignant themes that stab you in the heart, but don't feel as though they're being shoved down your throat. Her prose is beautiful and haunting, and leaves you in a state of awe and thought long after you've set down the book.

I could ramble forever about this book, but I'm afraid that I might delve into the land of spoilers, so I'll just say this- READ THIS BOOK. It is so, so good. You won't regret it.



RATING- ⭑⭑⭑


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I had the opportunity to ask K.A. Emmons some questions about this beautiful novel of hers! It was so fun to hear her talk about her book, and the process of bringing it to fruition. Kate, take it away!


Was your process for writing Worlds Beneath different than your process for writing The Blood Race?


I always like to say that books are like children, because it’s true: each is so different from the next. Each has its own personality and flavor, and Worlds Beneath was no different. The process of writing it was different from The Blood Race, and it took longer to write, but all in good ways. It definitely needed that time and space to grow and develop.


What was the most difficult part of writing Worlds Beneath?


Hmmm… the most difficult part really had nothing to do with the story itself, but more to do with the fact that my husband (then fiance) was away on deployment. I had a LOT on my mind and that sometimes made it difficult to concentrate. But because of that, writing was SUCH good therapy, too!


Who is your favorite character to write about?


Hawk, Icarus, Fin, and Sensei are always so incredible to write about because I’m super attached to each of them, and I’ve learned so much from each. I will say that writing Fin’s POV for the first time was such a blast!


Which character is the most challenging to write about?


Oooh. Probably Mitsue - because I obviously can’t identify with him a lot, haha. Thank goodness! But it also changes it up and keeps it fun to write about someone whose personality is so different from my own.


How many drafts does it typically take for you to finish a book?


It depends on how you define drafts, because I know there’s some room for interpretation there. After I finish a manuscript, I generally get straight into editing, then have my betas read. I then add their corrections and it goes off to my editor. So as far as how many rounds of edits I do, typically three-ish to make sure it’s nice and squeaky clean before it goes off to my proofreader.


What is your favorite part of the writing process?


The actual WRITING! :D And coffee. Of course, coffee. I just love getting up every day and sitting down at my desk and seeing where the story takes me that day. Each and every chapter is so different and special and FUN, it’s just pure adventure. That’s my favorite bit.


What is the biggest thing that you want readers to take away from Worlds Beneath?


Anything that helps them realize there’s a warrior within them. There’s a LOT in Worlds Beneath… and I find I don’t even really talk about that a lot, because I kind of just want people to read it and let it meet them where they are and let them take away whatever they naturally take away from the story. But if the story gives them anything, I hope it gives them trust in the fact that they are so much more powerful and loved and valuable than they realize. That we ALL are.


How TERRIFIED should we be for Book 3??

Maybe just a little bit??? Just a tiiiny bit terrified? Haha! I am seriously SO looking forward to getting book 3 out there, you can’t even imagine. I’m working hard on edits over here! It’s coming atcha soon!

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Isn't she gorgeous like what?!
When she’s not hermiting away in her colorfully-painted home office writing her next science fiction, passionate story-teller and adventurer Kate Emmons is probably on the road for a surf or hiking trip, listening to vinyls, or going for a power run. Emmons’ debut novel The Blood Race is the first book in her YA science fiction/fantasy thriller series. Get connected with Kate on your favorite social platform, and be sure to check out http://kaemmons.com/!







↞ F O L L O W ↠









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Have YOU read The Blood Race series yet? Get ready- it's incredible.

sweet summertime


Hello, sweet summertime.

I've missed you.

I always miss you. When winter's gray skies make the whole world feel cold and tired, I count down the days until your warmth and light. Until the sun loosens the knots that the last nine months have wrapped around what feels like every fiber of my being.

You're different this year. Not in the way that you were last year, when the summer maybes were leaping in circles around me. But different all the same. This year, you come with busy schedules and new adventures and a brain full of questions.

This year, as I'm letting the summer thoughts flow out of my brain and onto the screen, things aren't quite as different as I thought they would be a year ago. I'm basically in the same place. Right now, I'm lying on my bed, pecking away at my laptop while Sleeping at Last plays in the background, exactly like last year when I wrote my summer blog post. My fall, while different, isn't a whole new world compared to fall of last year (for which I am eternally grateful).

I suppose that when I looked towards summer 2018, I expected to be living in a world rocked with change. I wrote the words "nothing will be the same", and I believed them. By the absolute grace of God, those words did not end up ringing true.

But things are still different in so many ways, and the hater of change in me doesn't quite know what to do with that yet. I didn't mean for this to turn into one of those posts, though, one where I'm freaking out about change and life and everything in between. That will, no doubt, come at the end of the summer.

For now, we aren't there yet. We still have another month of summer, another month before the new normal kicks in. For now, I'm just happy where I am. Working on projects and setting things up and spending time with people and attempting to get some rest in during the time in-between. Loving the sunlight streaming in through the windows and the warmth of their rays.

Sweet summertime, you will forever be my favorite. It's good to see you again.

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Hey there, friends.

I'm back. ♥

Senior Updates IV

because cinnamon rolls are the b e s t
Everyone tells you that senior year flies by, but I really underestimated the truth of that statement. This year has gone by so. quickly. I can't believe that in two and a half months, I'll be finished with high school. It's completely surreal, and honestly, I'm trying not to think about it too hard yet.

Life since my last senior update has officially reached the height of insanity. I have never been this busy in my life, but I'm loving all of the various sources of craziness, even if they do leave me exhausted on a semi-regular basis. It's a lot, but I'm just really thankful that my last semester of high school has worked out in such a way that I can do so many things that I love.

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L A T E L Y

I feel like I have SO MANY things to update you guys on! My last Senior Update post was in mid-December, and it's insane how much has happened since then. I really wanted to do an update at the end of January, but I just couldn't get the post written up. So, I'm just going to attempt to summarize everything that's taken place over the last few months, and hope that it comes out semi-coherently. 

January was consumed by prepping for a musical theatre competition. My group competed with the piece You Will Be Found from Dear Evan Hansen. I performed in the piece, and also helped to choreograph it. It was such an incredible experience. If you've never heard the song before, you absolutely should go listen to it. It's a really powerful number, and getting to perform that number onstage was something that I'll never forget. Honestly, just getting to be a part of such a moving performance was enough, but what was even more mind blowing was....we took first! I could have cried, I was so happy. My last high school competition could not have possibly been more wonderful.

The same week of the competition, I auditioned for a production of Beauty and the Beast. I told myself going in that there was absolutely no way that I would be cast, that I was just auditioning for the experience. Long story short, I ended up getting a callback, and finding out the next day that I was cast as not only a Silly Girl (dream role!), but a wolf and a napkin as well. Literally three roles that I've always wanted to play in that show. I've actually worked on a production of Beauty and the Beast once before, and I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to be doing this show again. It's one of my all-time favorites.

The crazy part of joining Beauty and the Beast was that it meant that I'm now in not one, but TWO musicals. At the same time. Running the same month. I've never done this before, and it was probably a terrible decision on my part, seeing as I'm rehearsing roughly 28 hours a week, but it's so much fun. I can't think of a better way to spend my senior spring than surrounding myself with theatre.

Senior spring also means TONS of college stuff. I applied to two colleges, was accepted to both of them, and have made my decision. I'm really happy with it, and I'm excited to see what next semester is like. Now it's just a matter of finalizing a decision on a major and getting used to the fact that I'm almost a college student. What. (!!!!!)

The writing world has been rather bleak, due to the fact that I've been so busy that I've barely slept, much less had a chance to write. I did, however, write a short fiction piece that was a little piece of my soul, and I published it here on the blog. (My first time posting fiction!) If you missed that, you can read it here. ♥

Life is also filled with lots and lots of graduation planning. Let's just say, fine arts kids don't do anything halfway, and I'm pretty pumped.

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G O A L S

I'm trying not to set too many goals for myself, since time is scarce and I don't want to end up beating myself up over not accomplishing everything that I want to. But you all know that I'm way too Type A to not set ANY goals. So I'm aiming for a balance of realistic, yet productive. Let's give this a shot. 

-Journal journal journal. I've been journaling on a semi-consistent basis, but I want to do it even more. I want to be sure that I have all of these memories saved forever.

-Take as many photos as possible. Again with the memory hoarding. I want to record all of the crazy memories of this semester. 

-Stay organized. There are so many things to balance, and I don't want to find myself at the last minute scrambling to get things together. I've really been working to organize everything ahead of time, and I want to continue doing this.

-Find a prom dress! I found one that I really like, but it's a little more expensive than I'd hoped to spend. 

-Get my license. I've been meaning to do it for forever, and it's one of those things that I've just got to get done.

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R E A D

My reading life has been nothing short of horrible, if we're being honest. The craziness of life has completely stolen the little reading time that I had. I've been trying to keep a bit of steady reading in my life by keeping a book with me at all times, so I'll read a chapter in between classes or while waiting for rehearsal to start. It's definitely helping me to continue to read consistently, but goodness, I wish that I had the time to just sit down and devour a book in an afternoon like I used to. Oh well. I haven't read anything lately that I've absolutely loved, so if you happen to have any super solid recommendations, send them my way!

Since my last Senior Update, I've read......

-The Color Project by Sierra Abrams : At some point, I'm going to have to do a whole post on this book. It is an utter masterpiece.

-The Cage-maker by Nicole A. Seitz : An amazingly detailed historical fiction full of mystery, intrigue, and drama. 

-Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis : I'm so glad that I finally read this book. It's so good. Full of so much truth and such brilliant perspectives. I highly recommend taking notes as you read this one- you'll be glad that you did.

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L I S T E N I N G

Truce - Twenty-One Pilots
Atlas: Daughter - Sleeping at Last
You Will Be Found - Dear Evan Hansen
Atlas: Two - Sleeping at Last
So Will I - Hillsong United
Atlas: Taste - Sleeping at Last

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So, how has life been treating you lately? How's your semester going? What exciting things have you been up to? What have you been reading? Listening to? What's the best thing that's happened to you lately? I want to hear all about it. ♥

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